Why Valentine’s Day Is The Most Pointless Holiday We Celebrate

Contrary to what romantic comedies would have us believe, Valentines Day isn’t all that great. It’s actually like one of those fancy clubs with a strict dress code and an expensive cover the idea of it is route better than the actual thing. Sure Fetty Wap and Scott Disick rolled through last weekend but the music sucks, the people suck, and you’re constantly being reminded that you’re not important enough to be standing where you are. Despite it never being any fun, you keep coming back, telling yourself that will it get better.

But time and time again, you end up expending your night the same style: swaying to the music like a tired stripper, on the fruitless 6 p. m. change hoping that someone will eventually acknowledge your existence. Apparently no one else seem to be mind the $15 beverages and the intellect numbing techno beat thats been interwoven into every ballad. The long line and hot bartender complete the purposely exclusive effect of the dump, and ga that insecure-twitter-obsessed gremlin on your shoulder who eggs you on with whispers of: So you go along with the charade because not doing so would construct you look like a fucking weirdo or Drake circa his Marvins Room sad son days.

Valentine’s Day is similarly structured and similarly pointless and as of no, there are two camps that you can celebrate it with: the annoying couples on Facebook and the quirky anti-valentiners.

The riling couples on Facebook are there to construct you feel shitty about being single. They take Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to show the world just how in love they genuinely are, and how much you’re missing out. Theyre more into looking like theyre in love than actually being in love. Theyre the type of couple that guesses a darkly light eatery with merely five tables in it and a 45 -minute wait is fancy, only because its partially owned by Ryan Gosling. They celebrate Valentine’s Day for the Facebook and Instagram likes because their relationship has recently gone stale and their unsure of what to do now that everyone has stopped paying attention to them. Their date nights are spent either on their telephones or asking strangers to take pictures of them, with said telephones, because their bond is as superficial as it is fragile. You know that timeless philosophical topic: If a tree falls in a woodland and nobody’s around to hear it, does it make sound? Well if their relationship is the falling tree, the answer is: it didn’t make a fucking whisper.

Sir Isaac Newton once said that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. That is how the quirky anti-valentiners operate in relation to the vexing Facebook couples. They are two of sides of the same annoying-ass coin. Quirky anti-valentiners are the riling Facebook couples main target audience, because theyre the only ones dumb enough to find pictures of couples hiking cute. Theyre just as bad as those Facebook couples since they are take Valentine’s Day just as severely. They love posting about quirky stuff like cats and Harry Potter trivia. They find That moment when vines hilarious. They love terribly written listicles entitled 22 ways you know that youre dating an introverted extrovert which by the way, doesn’t even make sense. Theyre not in a relationship, they love and the only that they can communicate any of this is, is also through BuzzFeed listings. Theyre the ones who talk about their wine drinking as if its an actual vice. They #relationshipgoals, but not ironically. The only difference between them and the vexing Facebook couples is that at the moment, they are in-between one of their sub-par and similarly doomed relationships.

Both groups fail to see Valentine’s Day for what it really is the monetization and exploitation of real human sentiment for profit. Theres a reason that every romantic slapstick and rip-off comes out around this time of the year. It’s not an accident that jewelry marketings go up 200% either. People are barraged with a constant creek of media and convinced that one item or another is fundamental to the celebration of their special day. They( Not a DJ Khaled they, but more of a The Man) use culture tradition to sling their worthless shit. Flowers and chocolates and diamonds have no inherent value to them, but weve been, for lack of a better term: indoctrinated into associating these things with love, which is obviously preposterous.

That being said, it’s not our defect that weve come to associate love with something as trivial as Valentine’s Day. This type of culture hypnosis is more common than you would think. Black History Month and Womens History Month are by definition, merely a month long, which implores the issues to: what is history the rest of the time? You would think that these things are important enough to be incorporated into daily life outside of the month of February, but apparently not.

Systematic oppression aside, in the social media epoch, where images rule our world, sharing and accessibility are everything and that means that an idea that cant be expressed in 140 characters or less doesn’t really exist. Our image-driven media has given way to corollary marketing. Entailing that, with our eyes peeled, style, weve been bombarded with constant seasonal marketings and celebrity endorsements that train us to associate everything we like with shit that we dont actually need. LeBron wins-LeBron wears beats-I wear beats-I win.

In psychology this phenomenon is known as conditioning. In Pavlovs famous conditioning experimentations, he found that his puppy topics began to salivate not only when meat was presented to them, but also more significantly, when the person or persons feeding them came into proximity with them. It turns out that the dogs had been inadvertently trained to associate the person feeding them with the food itself, and therefore reacted in a similar way to the feeders. Its the same train of logic that results parents to yell at children when they misbehave. The child learns to associate bad behaviour with the punishment and is then discouraged to misbehave in the future. If you think that Im comparing people to bags of salivating meat like dogs, thats exactly what I am doing.

Christmas, Independence Day, Thanksgiving, etc. how do we actually celebrate vacations? Do we associate them with their sentiments or do we associate them with their paraphernalia? Not to be repetitive but Coca-Cola generated our modern-day Santa Claus, and nowhere in the bible does it say anything about Christmas trees.

Valentine’s Day is an especially clear example of conditioning because it so obviously has nothing to do with what its supposed to be celebrating. When it comes to Christmas, one could point out the irony in people expending 80% of their period away from the person or persons they love, doing a undertaking they dont like, to buy shit that they dont require, for the family that they dont consider, because theyre doing a undertaking they don’t like, to earn money for shit that they dont actually want in the first place. However, thats beside the point. In this system, people need to work to live and thats that. So one could say The Holidays are a good thing since they are offer a quick reprieve from all of that slavery work.

Valentine’s Day is a made up space for people to act as if theyre in love. For couples that is really in love, every single day is basically Valentine’s Day. They go on dates and pretend to like one another friends, do all of those other countless little things that make love, love. So single or taken, I foster you to avoid the typical Valentine’s Day fuckery like its TIDAL and do this instead 😛 TAGEND

Go Out

Obviously there are going to be some awesome drink specials that night so you would be a buffoon not to take advantage of them. If youre single, so what if all of your close friends are with their significant other, text that girl or guy youve been meaning to ask out and just go for it.

If BuzzFeed is any evidence, quirky, single, anti-Valentine’s day celebrations are all the rave now. A night expend masturbating and stalking your ex on Facebook could be spent getting to know person new. That being said, what it is you do, do not pay for their beverages youre not dating, youre single ().

If you aren’t single, move your date night away from that stuffy faux French restaurant with the situate menu and over to your sad neighborhood bar with all of the middle-aged alcoholics. The beverages are strong and nothing will reinforce the sanctity of your relationship more than the sight of old men drunkenly singing to Journey.

Romance Yourself

If youre one of those unhappy single people, go take a look at yourself in the mirror and slap yourself-in face, really, really hard. Yeah youre alone on Valentine’s Day, but youre alone most of the time anyways, so dont be upset. Think about it, you could be hiking or brunching, or if the relationship has really gone bad your girlfriend could be hurling a champagne bottle at your face or instagramming an anonymous love lyric you sent her with the caption Who sent me this ?!

Being single isnt about going out every weekend and trying your hardest to catch gonorrhea, its about taking care of yourself the same style you would for another person. Remember how your subsistence depended on that one person? Do you recollect how much time you spent imagining new ways to impress them? Dont let those sappy commercials and movies get to you, they are just trying to get you to spend money on shit that you dont require. Get a pizza, watch, scratch one out like a champ, and go into work the next day fresh.

If you are in a relationship, forgot about all of those activities that you think you should be doing and be selfish instead. Get a pizza, watch, have some mind-numbing median sex, and fall asleep in each others limbs. Itll be way cheaper and ultimately, route more satisfying than paying someone to write I <3 u in the sky in chemical trails. which brings me to my next and most favorite thing to do on valentine's day

Save Money

On Valentine’s Day, blooms and chocolate appreciate in value at an alarming rate. So count your lucky stars that youre not wasting your fund on a relationship thats literally subject to who does and doesn’t like your Instagram images. Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean shit anymore because anything that once resembled romance has been adopted and bastardized into only another inexpensive, tourism-store snow globe level bangle. For some reason loving someone isn’t enough you have to buy them jewelry, chocolate, rises, heart-shaped paperweights, etc. It doesn’t matter, genuinely just as long as its red, expensive, and impresses his or her Facebook friends.

So if youre in a relationship keep it kosher, keep it tasteful; buy a pizza and watch Your single friends will dislike you less when you tell them about it the next day.

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