What Your Quarter-Life Crisis Looks Like, According To Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type


You only want to inspire people, human. You imagine your life as a tiny seed and each altruistic action as a drop-off of water, each act of self-care as a handful of fertilizer, and each act of creativity as a light of sunshine. Too much or too little of any of those things, and their own lives wont sprout. Its a balancing act … Oh sorry. Youre merely practicing for your next motivational speaking gig. You are so busy practicing how to help others, in fact, that your tiny seed is all but drowning.


You take a moment to step back from your first undertaking of dutifully entering data into spreadsheets to wonder if theres more to life than practicality. The empty cells glare at you until you succumb to your own required to dependable above all else. You reward yourself by coordinating the various airliners of your existence into a pie chart based on how often you exist in each one. Maybe the meaning of life is organization.


You cant persuade your coworkers that robot pets are the next big thing, so you expend your evenings devising a plan to annihilate them. You sip scotch and mutter Theyll see. Theyll all ensure over and over again. You never sleep. In ten years, youll marketing your idea to a Fortune 500 company and make millions by your persistence alone. If you dont, well, who is anybody kidding? You will. Theyll see.


You think your generation needs to get out of its head and focus on whats real. If you cant touch it, it isnt worth exploring. This mentality makes your hands-off, office task virtually unbearable. You come home to a floor covered in unfinished blueprints for various inventions. You can only find consolation at your workbench. Maybe one day, you are able to finish something … If only you had been born before the light bulb was invented.


It all started because your significant other answered your text with one word. ONE WORD ?! What does this mean? You expend the evening with friends and a bottle of wine trying to decode the foreign message. You told them you wouldnt start crying but you do as you overanalyze everything from your relationship to the meaning of life. Despite being a total mess, you still find the strength to help your friend clean up the apartment.


No, you dont appear fat in that dress and your cat isnt mad at you, but thats all you can think about these days. You go to your part-time undertaking as an interior decorator completely overwhelmed by everything going on in the well-being of your loved ones. You wonder when your significant other will propose. Youre emotionally exhausted, but you still make time to cook a cake for your friends birthday and visit your mothers almost every weekend.


You expend a majority of your day wondering what would happen during an alien-robot-zombie apocalypse. You create a plan for survival and miss the deadline for a paper because of it. Youre still in school because youre working on your PhD in Unsolved Mystery of the Universe. You want to be the next Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Instead, you expend all of your class hour debating professors. You frankly cant decide exactly what it is you want to do in life.


Your best friend is getting married, your mama has an important doctors appointment, and you told your coworker you would coach her through her divorce. All of this is happening in the upcoming week. When you arent helping people in your everyday life, youre thinking about how to help women in the Middle East overcome religious and systemic injustices through various empowerment initiatives. You probably havent brushed your hair in five days, but you continue to wear it in a bun so you dont offend anyone. Perhaps this is the meaning of life.


Youre hosting three dinner parties in one weekend only to prove to everyone that you are the life of the party. Well, youd also be lying if you said you didnt enjoy it. Theres no water-cooler drama that two bottles of wine cant fixing, and you bought a sequin-covered dress because you have a thirst for adventure. After some believe, you decide to cancel the parties and invite everyone to your beach house instead. You charm the pants off your crush and pretend it was an accident. Wait. This isnt a crisis. Like at all. Youre the living personification of everything a quarter-life is supposed to contain.


You simply read ten books worth of doctrine online, and you heat up a can of soup for dinner. Youre not leave tonight. Your friend asked, but you need time to integrate all that new doctrine into your pre-existing mental framework. Youre still freelancing even though your parents are praying you to get your PhD and teach. Academia is a circle-jerk though. Youd rather sift through academic work on your own hour. You expend more hour contemplating the futility of life than anything else, and to everyone elses dismay, you want to actually be the philosopher instead of teaching people about other ones. Too bad all that nonconformity doesnt pay the bills.


Dude, you totally went base-jumping last week and it was the craziest experience of your life. You wonder why people cant get that same kind of hurry-up every single day. If merely people could just, like, stop living in their heads and fully experience everything this world has to offer. Life is just a series of moments, bro. Stop wasting them. You share most of these revelations with your 15,000+ Facebook friends, and you gain so much social media clout that you become a full-time travel blogger. If merely you could remember to update it.


You just got a new, super-cool tongue piercing while you were in New York City protesting the ills of the finance industry. Now, youre back home in Portland working on a street-art style exhibit for a local museum. You live below your means because marginalized people inspire you, and you use their narratives for your work. Plus, you cease your day task, so you cant blow all your fund until you become a successful artist. Success isnt about the money though. Besides, you can always call your parents for more if it gets too bad.


You were voted Most Popular your senior year of high school, and that hasnt changed one bit. Youre one of those people who everyone says is so put together even if you have on leggings and a tank top. Instead of going on dates, you take your significant other grandma out to get a mani-pedi, and the smile on her face makes it all worth it to you. Youve been in fifteen bridals, and while you love all your friends, you cant help wondering when it will be their turn to treat you like royalty.


OH THE HUMANITY! You weep every time you watch the Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials and paint a three-part picture of your feelings before, during, and after the experience. You sell it on Etsy and go back to your day undertaking as a wedding planner with a different outlook. Of course you still enjoy determining just the right napkins for each bride-to-bes option of silverware, but you also want to create art that raises awareness for social justice issues. Your mom tells you that youre too sensitive, but those puppies eyes were peering straight into your golden spirit. You just know it.


Your favorite pastime is telling on your classmates when they were playing games on their phones instead of paying attention. You love order and more importantly, you love being the curator of it. You were the youngest new-hire at Morgan-Stanley, a surefire success. Then you started to realize that they didnt always play by the book. Rules are rules for a reason. Each day, working there becomes a little more tedious, so youre planning to quit soon and become the executive of your own business where order will rule above all else.


You do not have a quarter-life crisis. You became leader of the free world at sixteen and banned quarter-life crisis from the proletariats vernacular.

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