I’m Not Good At Dating, But I Know How To Love

Ill be honest. Im not good at dating. Im not good at or or

See, thats the thing I want to know the purpose, the direction, the pointbecause why have something meaningless? Lifes too damn short for meaningless.

No, Im not crazy.( Only sometimes .) I dont need to know your favorite colouring, your deepest dread, and if you think youll fall in love with me on our very first date. Id like to know the style your mind works, if its calm and patient, nervous and hesitating, or if youre just as passionate and scatter-brained as me.

I want to know where this is going before I even get started .

I want to know everything about you, from the things that build you laugh to the first time you exclaimed. I want to know if you love your mother, if you envy your older brother, if nothing youve experienced will ever compare to the feeling of stepping on a football field. And I want you to tell me all of that.

I want to know you, actually. And I want to fall into you, unafraid.

See, Im not good at dating, at small talk, at stuffy dinner dates where we skirt around the deep topics because we dont want to frighten each other off.

I dont care if I scare you off. If I cant know who you are, then why bother sitting across the table, sharing bites of steak and sips of wine and feigning this is going somewhere when its not.

Im not good at dating, and Im not good at casual. Im the opposite of casual. Because casual is synonymous for purposeless and Ive always had a sense of direction. I want us to , not sit stagnant and still.

Love isnt stagnant and still.

And Im not the were just messing around type of daughter. I dont mess around. I think thats stupid. Why give you pieces of myself when you cant even commit to staying? I wont be able to make you fall in love with me, and candidly, I shouldnt “re trying”. So no, I wont mess around because at the end of the day, were just wasting each others period. Were merely maintaining one another from falling in love.

And no matter how we try to convince ourselves otherwise, thats what were all searching for.

Im not good at casual. Im the opposite of casual. Because casual is synonymous for purposeless and Ive always had a sense of direction .

Heres the thing, I dont understand the dating world. I dont understand the quickness, the half-heartedness, the jumping from person to person and the impression things out. When I spend time with person, when I start to get to know them, when I let them start to get to know me,

I dont know how to shut off the creek of feelings, the excited butterflies when I hear their name, the passion I feel for wanting to discover who they are behind their surface.

I cant help wanting to fall for them. Not nervously , not hesitantly, and sure as hell not casually.

I dont know, perhaps Im strange. Perhaps Im crazy. Perhaps Im too much. All I know is I have no clue how to date. Im the girl that falls in love. But Im the girl that stimulates you unafraid to fall, too.

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