HomeOther I Still Miss You December 30, 2017 Other No Comments Tweet Pin It There. I said it. I am not heartbroken anymore., I’m not. I’m not just a girl saying that to convince everyone staring at her with inquisitive, intrusive eyes. I’m saying it because it’s the truth. It is. ” I miss you. There, I said it .” I no longer find you to be a habit. I do not instinctually think to call you, I don’t have your number memorized anymore( 261? Or was it 216 ?) and when something happens I do not find my helping hand reaching for a phone to start typing away to tell you all of the details. You are no longer my emergency contact and frankly, I don’t think I would recognize your voice in a crowd. There are days, and there are moments, where all I want to do is look over at you at grin and roll my eyes. There are days, and there are moments where I know I’m being stupid but you would still laugh at me. There are days, and there are moments, where I feel like you would be the only one to understand me. I can admit that there are periods where I know that even though I may not be able to remember your voice, I still miss your laugh. And I still actually want to hear it. ” I still miss you. There, I said it .” I’m no longer empty. I do not feel like I have a gaping hole shaped exactly like your torso in my chest. I do not watch the blood pulsate in my veins and see your lies flowing through me. I do not look for you to finish my sentences or to pick me up at the end of the day. I am not trying to finish anything because I’m complete. I am complete on my own. I’m whole. I find my fingers looking for the ink on your shoulders to trace and my hands looking for you to hold at night. I find myself swallowing down your name when I’m on an empty beach and wish I had more company than driftwood. I hold myself back from saying,” He would have loved this” on summer nights. I may be whole, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room. ” I still miss you. There, I said it .” I am not waiting for you anymore. I do not stay up at night, I am not sitting in my bed while look at this place the door only picturing you coming through it. I do not watch the clock move up and feel disappointed when you don’t. I do not save a pillow for you, there’s no water on the nightstand running untouched, “were not receiving” chair in my apartment with a permanent dibs. There’s nothing for you here. This is a world that I created without you. This is not yours, and I’m not waiting for you to claim your space. I’m not hoping , not wishing , not appearing , not praying. And I am most definitely not waiting. Because I’m older now, wiser now. And I know there’s nothing there for me. I’ve moved on. There is no but. I’m simply not heartbroken over you anymore. … ” I still miss you. There, I said it .” There is still a longing. I can pretend to ignore it, that it is simply a result of too many glass of wine and ballads, but it’s there. And try as I might, I do not, , cannot , deny it. Because I think there always will be. Because I still miss you. And I believe a part of me always will. Read more: About The Author Related Posts Other Trump’s Win Puts Undocumented Immigrants At ... By March 6, 2017 Other How Sam Peckinpah Fused Beauty and ... By May 27, 2017 Other Fancy Wine Doesn’t Taste Nearly As ... By February 17, 2018 Leave a Reply Cancel reply Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.