I Left My Husband But That Didn’t Make It ‘Any Less Painful’

If there’s ever a hour this is necessary a little distraction in their own lives, it’s during the course of its divorce process. That’s why we launched our Divorce Care Package series. With each post, we’ll demonstrate you what things — volumes, movies, recipes — helped others alleviate stress in the midst of divorce, in the hopes that a few of their pickings will serve you well too. Want to share what got you through your divorce? Email us at divorce @huffingtonpost. com.

Writer Caitlin Grace left her first wedding on Easter weekend, 25 years ago. She may have been the one hanging in there after 8 years, but that didn’t attain the process of moving on any easier.

“Yes, I left my husband. I was the one that called day on the relationship, packed up the kids and left, ” Grace, who has since remarried, told HuffPost. “Does that make it any less painful? Nope.”

Below, the the wellbeing coach-and-four and writer of The Goddess Guide to Sex, Love and Life tells us what get her through the toughest days.

The Distraction

WIN-Initiative via Getty Images

“One of the best distractions of all was expending the day with my sister, sitting on her deck, drinking endless beakers of tea. It’s one of my fondest memories. She lived right across the road from the kids’ school and I lived a few homes down the road so we often spent the whole day together and shared many, many dinners, all of which started with, ‘Shall we have a barbecue? What have you got in the freezer? ‘ Dad had made a stainless steel wood-fired barbecue and given it to us daughters. It lived at my sister Trishs house. I dont know how often we would have impromptu get-togethers — not just us but whoever else felt like coming over and having dinner. There were always children running around, a few glasses of wine and me stoking that fire.”

The Songs

Giphy

“After the separation, I used to go dancing at the local nightclub with my sisters. The ballad that always — always — got us on the dance floor was ‘Little Sister’ by Ry Cooder. In fact, just writing this I listened to the song again and was instantly transported back to that time. But if I wanted a good weep, and lets face it, all the women going through a divorce needs a good sob every now and then, I would weep along to Sinad O Connor’s ‘Nothing Compares 2 U.” — got us on the dancing floor was ‘Little Sister’ by Ry Cooder. In fact, only writing this I listened to the song again and was instantly transported back to that time. But if I wanted a good sob, and lets face it, all the women going through a divorce needs a good weep every now and then, I would weep along to Sinad O Connor’s ‘Nothing Compares 2 U.”

The Quote

Peter Zelei via Getty Images

“When all else failed I would repeat over and over to myself, ‘This, too, shall pass. This, too, shall pass.’ And it did. All the pain eventually became a distant memory, so much so that I am holding a family reunion of kinds this February and have invited my ex and his new wife. It is going to be a blast.”

The Splurge

nesharm via Getty Images

“When I left my ex-husband there were some things I intentionally left behind and one of them was a butt ugly couchset he had bought a few years before. I loathed it and told him I would rather sit on the floor than take it with me. And so thats what I did until Igot a new one. The other big splurge was a brand new bed. It was so great to have a bed that only I had ever slept in — bliss! ” ! ”

The Wardrobe Essential

Gen Nishino via Getty Images

“I bought myself a gorgeous white dress to go to the court hearing in — it was prettier than my wedding dress. When I went to pick up the kids from school that day one of the educators asked if I had been somewhere special and I told, ‘Yes. I got divorced today.’ Not quite the answer she was expecting.”

The Big Change

Guido Mieth via Getty Images

“I guess get a haircut after or during a divorce or breakup is almost a prerequisite for helping to move through the process. I know it felt unbelievably liberating to me. He liked my hair long whereas I liked it short so I got it cut as short as possible as soon as I moved out. I also switched back to my maiden name the day I moved out. Itwas all about reclaiming my identity.”

Leave a Reply