How To Overthink Everything While Texting Your Virtually Relationship

It was a normal day, maybe even a good day, but now I am at home alone and my own darkness are clamoring for attention. I open a bottle of wine, telling myself that at the end of the day a glass to reward myself with, to unwind with, thats perfectly acceptable. And it is. Maybe even two glasses, I can justify that. By the third I know that no matter how good my day may have been, its darknes now. Its no longer day. Watching the red liquid pour into my fourth glass I know that I am bolt. There is no going back now.

I text you. Double text, actually. No wait, that was two glass ago. I guess by now its a triple text. Fuck it, I need this. I want this. You, I mean. Of course I mean you. Because although most of me simply wants to escape the quietness of my own apartment, I know that no other place can truly give me what yours could. What you can. That escape only you build me feel, because it doesnt feel so destructive; I never regret you in the morning, I never go over to yours and dont laugh or smile or tell almost as much random shit as you do. One more text. What can it hurt; at this point you probably presume I am drunk anyway. I stare at my phone, willing your name to pop up. The screen runs black without a response.

Distraction, thats what I require. Maybe Ill watch some Netflix. But sitting on my couch is inducing me anxious, I can tell in the way I knead my hands before I consciously even pick up on it. I can feel the darkness calling to me, serenading me to succumb to its consolation. My head is a little woozy from the wine and I can feel the tears burning at the back of my eyes. It would be so easy to only give in. No , no I cant. Maybe you didnt see your text. Ill send a snap.

I have asked myself what it is about you that even after everything I still crave you on nights like these. After everything is not right somehow. There was never much, we were never that much. So why does it feel like we have a whole history wrapped up into a year and however many months its been since I accidentally landed in your bed?

But it wasnt road traffic accidents, was it? From the moment we fulfilled there was something about the other one that apparently we cant “lets get going”. And I am glad we cant. Is it because we watched a fellow cracked spirit? Is it because when I tell you that I didnt going to see class because it was one of those days I couldnt get out of bed you only kiss my head and tell,? Or maybe its simply attraction. Maybe that is all it is for you; maybe you like me better when we are not talking.

Do you really like me better when we arent talking? Do you really never miss me, miss my chattering and my terrible taste in movies? Because I crave you on more than just on nights like these. Even when my own shadows are safely tucked away somewhere and I can barely feel them lurking, well, even then I want to get in a cab to yours, even on nights like that. I like hanging out with you, is that bad? I like you. But that really doesnt matter, does it? We both know that no matter how many people say that to us, if our darkness are teaches us that they are lying then it induces no change. But I do like you. And you must like me too, right? After all this everything, all this nothing? I dont mean love, or falling for, but just liking someone as a person and their company. I crave yours.

Damn , now the bottle is empty. I should slow down. Actually, I was likely to stop. Yea, I genuinely should. Ill attain some tea, even though I know it is not what I need. Maybe it is what I should be needing, maybe it is what my body needs, but certainly not my intellect. Perhaps only a night cap?

Ding . Thats your ringtone.

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