How to be a moderately successful person | Emer O’Toole

Being highly successful audios stressful, so Im sharing these closely guarded secrets to allow you to muddle along just fine

Right now, across the internet, approximately 12 m articles purport to share the secrets of highly successful people: 2016 is a new year, and if you simply restructure your entire existence, you too is able to deliriously successful.

Spoiler alert: here are the secrets. Get up at 5am; commit to an exercise regime; practice mindfulness and period management; nourish your body with wholesome foodstuffs; dress professionally; defined personal goals; schedule quality period with loved ones; declutter; breathe.

I always click on these articles, even though I know what theyre going to say. I read them and am briefly inspired: Yes, I should start going to bed at 9pm, like an eight-year-old. Then Id be able to produce more stuff in the three hours before everybody else gets up in the morning. But the enthusiasm is fleeting. And, come morning time, I am, predictably, sleeping.

I hope it will not seem conceited if I say that I am a reasonably successful person. I have a job I like. I wrote a volume that is doing quite well. I have managed to trick a human I love into believing that it is a good idea to live with me. Im reasonably happy most of the time, and think anyone who says they never feel like crap is lying.

Things are running grand and, truth be told, being highly successful audios stressful. So Im taking it upon myself to share the closely guarded secrets of reasonably successful people. Practise these and you too can muddle along just fine.

Get up at a normal time

Only highly successful masochists get up before 7am by choice. I will accept 6.30 am as an absolute limit for what constitutes a normal alarm decided. Similarly, try not to still be in bed at noon on Tuesdays.

Start every to-do listing with make a to-do list

That way you can ticking one thing off straightaway, which feels successful. I also find it helpful to lose the to-do listing shortly after you make it, thus permitting yourself the illusion that you are getting things done, even if you are not. You can make a new listing tomorrow.

Let yourself go a bit

Im not talking caked puking in your hair and jelly sandals. Just a healthy dollop of chill in the grooming department.

Eat normal things

Many of the reasonably successful adhere to the following innovative diet plan: breakfast foods for breakfast, lunch foods for lunch, and dinner foods for dinner.

Practice obliviousness

Like mindfulness, except instead of recognize and accepting all your thoughts and emotions, you merely dismiss them and go about your day until something actually goes wrong.

Go places using your legs

After you get up at a normal period and eat your normal breakfast, perhaps you might consider “re going away” using your legs. It takes me 40 minutes to walk to run, and 25 minutes to get there on public transport. Thats an hour and 20 minutes of walk-to, but merely 30 minutes out of my day. Hows that for period management, highly successful gym rats?

Be confused about what quality period means

If you cannot imagine a life in which you have to write your partner into your planner in case you forget to hang out with them, then you are well on the road to being reasonably successful.

Accept your clutter

Some folks are messy. Theres worse things you could be. A serial murderer for example, or one of those people who make their guests use coasters.

The rule

This is the most important principle of any reasonably successful person. Sometimes, when vicious deadlines are thundering towards you, your inbox is hollering, your phone is beeping like a rabid R2-D 2, and it feels like the sky is about to come crashing down, you have to say: Ah, fuck it. Then, go for a bottle of wine with another reasonably successful person, who is also saying Ah, fuck it, and talk about fun stuff like books and feminism and movies and sex. Apply the Ah, fuck it rule and you cant go too far wrong.

I wish you all a mostly happy, occasionally cranky and reasonably successful New Year.

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