7 Classic Children’s Books With Shockingly Dark Backstories

Every writer, whether they realize it or not, brings these experiences and biases into every narrative they render, regardless of whether they’re writing East Of Eden or The Berenstain Bears Get Ursine Diabetes .

But now and then those personal experiences come from an absolute waking nightmare of a life and end up fueling some of the cherished books you read as a kid. That’s right, gang — it was the private and horrific torments of total strangers that taught you the exhilarations of imagination.

# 7. Harry Potter Is A Direct Outcome Of The Death Of J.K. Rowling’s Mother

Harry Potter is easily the most beloved children’s franchise that opens with a double assassination and attempted infanticide. But J.K. Rowling didn’t make-up Harry an orphan because she had just watched a bunch of Disney movies — when she was 25, her mom succumbed after years of suffering from multiple sclerosis. Her parent is still around, but their already-difficult relationship became worse after her mom’s demise, and they didn’t speak for years, which may explain why James Potter, in addition to being dead, is a bit of an asshole.

The wrong guy became a rat .

To wit, when Goblet Of Fire came out, Rowling gave her pops a signed transcript reading, “Lots of love from your first born.” The elder Rowling treasured this gift for three whole years before auctioning it off for $48,000, because your children’s love doesn’t put beer in the fridge.

After her mom’s demise, Rowling got married and had a daughter … and then got divorced, left her chore, fell into a serious depression, lived in relative poverty, and contemplated suicide. This period inspired the series’ happiness-destroying, soul-eating Dementors, the haunting, yet admittedly lucrative, incarnation of the suffering Rowling had been experiencing.

Harry Potter And The Smiths Greatest Hits Album .

Furthermore, pretty much every plot phase in Harry Potter is motivated by demise. Voldemort is obsessed with cheating demise, Harry gains special powers when his parents are killed in front of him, Snape’s entire life revolves around his love for a dead girl, and the absolute massacre that is the final volume in the series find the deaths of a bunch of the characters( and generates at least one brand-new magical orphan ). Seriously, the dust jacket for the Harry Potter series might as well be shreds of the tattered, bone-resin cowl of the specter of Death itself.

Now, obviously, J.K. Rowling picked up the pieces of her life and went on to make all of the dollars in the known Universe. But she’s been candid about regretting not telling her mom about her early is currently working on Harry Potter while, at the same time, stating that had her mom survived, Harry Potter as we know it probably wouldn’t exist( and The Boxcar Children wouldn’t have turned to a life of copper stealing and buying K-2 Spice behind a gas station ).

# 6. Every Book Roald Dahl Wrote Is About His Own Tragic Life

Roald Dahl’s books are pretty strange. The title character from James And The Giant Peach ( James , not the peach) lives the perfect life until persons under the age of 4, at which point his parents are inexplicably feed by an escaped rhinoceros and he’s sent to live with an abusive aunt. The child in The Witches begins the narrative with a pair of dead parents. Matilda’s parents are alive but terrible, and her school’s headmistress locks misbehaving children in iron maidens and throws them out of windows, because that was apparently part of British curriculum.

“Me best is 75 meters.”

But Dahl was just following the classic advice of writing what you know, which in his example happened to be suffering and demise. When he was 3 his sister succumbed, and then a few a few weeks later his father ricochetted off the planet too. His mom then sent him to a boarding school that featured regular canings and a dictatorial principal who once confiscated the food care packages of every son because they wouldn’t turn in their friend for a minor prank, among other hellish experiences. Dahl probably just assumed that dead parents and draconian schoolmasters were experiences all the children of the world shared.

After fracturing his skull in a crash while invited to participate in the Royal Air Force during World War II, Dahl got married and had five children, including a son who suffered a massive brain injury after being struck by a taxi and a daughter who died at 7( the same age Dahl’s sister was when she died ), and his wife had three strokes while pregnant with another daughter. Clearly, there was no human in the United Kingdom better are in accordance with make a career out of writing books for children.

“The snozzberries actually taste like the cold void of human despair.”

According to one of his other children, Dahl was overwhelmed by all the somber misfortune in his life and decided to take it out on his 8-year-old daughter, which he did by dedicating her wine and Quaaludes to soothe her fits, a therapy he would administer after hollering, “Why can’t you be like[ your dead sister ]? “

“You keep giving me that stuff, I will be.”

Later, when she was a teen struggling with mental illness while in a, um, boarding school, Dahl offered such gentle reassurances as, “You’re not like normal people, ” and telling her that psychiatrists are useless quacks. It turns out that while war, dead parents, and abusive educators may allow you to write strong, independent, and inspiring heroes, they also apparently turn you into kind of a shitty dad.

# 5. The Wind In The Willows Is About The Author’s Spoiled, Suicidal Son

The Wind In The Willows is the timeless narrative of a drunk frog-man named Mr. Frog and his friends, Mole and Rat, as they go on escapades in the Wild Wood. Judging by that sentence alone, it is easily one of the most British tales ever written.

It was like Redwall with handguns .

At first, the origins of Wind In The Willows seem downright adorable. Kenneth Grahame had a son, Alastair, and the characters came out of bedtime tales Grahame made up for him. He refined them over the years, even sending Alastair letters with the latest tales when Grahame was away from home. It’s an unbelievably charming piece of literary history, you stop reading right now , close the browser, and go on living the rest of your life.

Alastair was born with health problems, but his parents insisted that he was a genius and obsessed over him, a parenting dynamic that usually turns out about as well as having a wedding for your dogs. It’s been theorized that the character of Mr. Toad was based on Alastair, which seems like a touching tribute until you remember that Mr. Toad, while kind and intelligent, is also a spoiled and impulsive brat who’s wasting his late father’s fortune on stupid hobbies.

Look at this asshole. Did he really need to blow money on that bandana ?

That’s harsh, but it didn’t come out of nowhere, considering that Alastair had developed the habit of lying in front of cars and forcing them to squeal to a halting. He had also started insisting that he be called Robinson, which seems like a harmless bit of youthful uprising until you learn that a political radical by the same name tried to assassination Grahame for operating a bank. So, to recap, Grahame’s son adopted the name of a human who tried to kill Grahame and would cause automobile collisions for fun.

“That’s what you get for not writing a satisfactory resolution to Mr. Toad’s jailbreak narrative, Not-Dad . ”

Alastair eventually began to resent his father’s tales, and Grahame stopped signing his name to the letters he wrote to Alastair because “he could not find himself capable of affection to a complete stranger, ” according to his biographer. Although, continuing to write fanciful tales about stuffy British rodents was apparently something he could continue doing, and The Wind In The Willows was eventually published to incredible commercial success. And Alastair? At the age of 20, he laid down across a railway and allowed himself to be decapitated by an oncoming train.

Well, uh, all the other Willows characters had cute origins, right? Like the mild-mannered, lovable Mole? Yeah, turns out Grahame rescued a mole that was being attacked by a bird in his garden, merely for the mole to escape and be beaten to demise by his housekeeper, because everything Grahame touched turned to cosmic shit, like some kind of dime-store King Midas.

His mustache probably caught on fire every time he tried to groom it .

# 4. Charlotte’s Web Is Based on E.B. White’s Obsession With Spiders

Charlotte’s Web is a classic children’s narrative about a fucking spider and a pig obsessed with the ticking clock of his own mortality. Perhaps E.B. White was trying to send a message about how it’s what’s on the inside that counts, or perhaps he was trying to create a volume that would stand out from the rest of the market. Or perhaps he had a consuming preoccupation with spiders. Yeah, it’s that last one.

This was pre-Internet, though, so he had to draw his own hentai .

You watch, White owned a barn, and one morning he spotted a spider in it. Rather than shriek, burn the entire build to the ground, and rebuild anew atop the ashes like a sane person, over the next few weeks he maintained an eye on the spider and its bulge egg sac. When fall rolled around and the spider vanished, White decided that the babies didn’t deserve to grow up without a mom. So he carefully boxed up the egg sac and took it with him when he endeavoured to New York City for run. A few a few weeks later the eggs hatched, and White delighted in watching the tiny little spiderlings scurry all about, because something in his mind had turned frozen and black. He set the spiders free in his home for two weeks, at which point his maid politely informed him that she wasn’t to be paid enough to maintain a cabinet of horrors. White presumably set the spiders free in the streets of New York, where they turned around and scuttled right back into his home, because that’s what spiders do.

And thus began a lifelong fascination for the author. White researched spiders meticulously and even wrote his wife a poem in which he pretended to be a spider, which is generally something you find pasted into a flesh notebook with letters clipped out from various newspapers.

Roses are red
My legs number eight
If you’re reading this poem
It’s already too late

# 3. Where The Wild Things Are Is About Maurice Sendak’s Frightening Home Life

“I’m not Hans Christian Andersen. Nobody’s gonna make a statue in the park with a lot
of scrambling children climbing up me.” –The author

The titular Wild Things were inspired by author Maurice Sendak’s extended family, as his aunts and uncles had a tendency to visit his childhood home and pinch his cheek until they turned as red as Bill Clinton’s gin buds. The experience was traumatizing for young Sendak — he describes his relatives as “all crazy — crazy faces and wild eyes, ” which suggests that he probably wasn’t asked to speak at their funerals. He afterwards came to understand that they were first-generation Polish immigrants who had just escaped from a 1930 s Europe in which things weren’t looking so hot for them, but it’s hard to have an expressed appreciation for the complexities of international politics when you’re a kid frightened of his Olde Country relatives.

But it’s not just Polish relatives who caused problems — Sendak insists that he wouldn’t have created the run that he did if his home life hadn’t been chaotic. His mom was exiled to America from Poland on her 16 th birthday for the offences of having multiple sexual partners, while on the day of Sendak’s bar mitzvah, his father learned that his entire household back in Poland had been killed. Sendak describes his parents as “nuts, ” because if your folks aren’t a little crazy, “youre supposed to” don’t grow up to make books that, in his own words, “refuse to cater to the bullshit of innocence.”

“The Wild Things are actually imaginary, like Santa Claus . … Why are you crying? ”

# 2. Winnie The Pooh Is Based On A Real Bear

As we’ve previously discussed, Winnie The Pooh ruined the lives of its creator, the real Christopher Robin, and the book’s illustrator, because that volume was apparently a goddamn pestilence. But did you know that the titular Winnie was a real bear? Well, guess what? He goddamned was .


The year was 1914, and Germany was being uppity again. Canadian soldier Harry Colebourn was traveling across Canada to committee a ship to England, when he made the completely understandable decision to buy a bear cub, as explained in an entry from Colebourn’s personal diary, which reads “Left Port Arthur 7 a. m. In train all day. Bought bear $20. ” That is not a joke.

“Bear ate old lady arm. Lot of blood. Happens.”

Colebourn named the bear Winnie, after his hometown of Winnipeg, and Winnie became his regiment’s unofficial mascot. Winnie even slept under Colebourn’s bed, presumably because Colebourn harbored a lifelong dread of ogres. But when it came time for Colebourn to ship off to the trenches of France, he was worried that Winnie would be in danger, because she was still a cub and was much too small to knocking any dastardly Germans’ heads from their shoulders. So he donated her to the London Zoo, who put her in an exhibit that allowed children to stroll in and play with her, because people in the early 20 th century didn’t dedicate a single fucking about anything. The children were safe, though, because Winnie had been raised in captivity by the hunter who had killed her mother.

Winnie became a popular attraction — a certain little son named Christopher Robin, the son of author A.A. Milne, was especially fond of her.

She probably liked him more than the donkey he maintained trying to nail a fake tail to did .

Christopher named his stuffed bear after Winnie, which in turn became the inspiration for Milne’s whimsical tales about the Hundred Acre Wood, which Walt Disney Studios would heroically feign they devised 40 years later.

# 1. Peter Pan Is Based On The Dead Brother J.M. Barrie Tried To Impersonate

This might shock you, but there’s a disturbing backstory to the narrative of a flying man-child who takes actual children on violent escapades. And that’s because Peter Pan ‘s author, J.M. Barrie, knew firsthand both the appeal and the tragedy of remaining young forever.

Barrie was the ninth of 10 “childrens and”, when he was 6, his older brother David drowned in an ice skating collision. David was their mother’s favorite infant, so in order to help her get over the loss, Barrie would pretend to be David, which would typically end in his mother’s unrestrained letdown. As you might imagine, this does wonders for a child’s self-esteem.

Clearly, shitty impressions are not the sole domain of bad ‘8 0s standup and Frank Caliendo .

Because even the best ideas need workshopping, Barrie kept up the ruse by garmenting in David’s clothes and adopting his dead brother’s habit of whistling, which we’re certain was in no way haunting. This seemed to help, but you can’t pretend to be your dead 13 -year-old brother forever, and ultimately his mother was necessary to take comfort in the fact that, in a manner that is, David was a boy who would always be young and would never leave her. Hurl in some pirates and fairy dust and boom, you’ve got a whimsical adventure.

But wait, it gets sadder and stranger! Barrie didn’t ultimately come up with the narrative for Peter Pan until years later, when he was stuck in a loveless marriage with no children. So, he did what any lonely human would do — he befriended another family’s “childrens and” wrote Peter Pan to entertain them. Several of the characters, including Peter himself, were named after his surrogate children, much to their delight.

None of them were cool enough to inspire Rufio .

He eventually became their guardian when their parents succumbed, an honor that Barrie took great pride in, and three-fifths of his inherited children succumbed untimely demises. Basically, J.M. Barrie had the childhood of a Dickensian street urchin and the adulthood of a curst Egyptologist, and it resulted in a narrative that Hollywood cannot stop reimagining.

Read more: www.cracked.com

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