Let me say it again, this time louder. Menstrual cup.
Are you gagging yet? If so, you’re approaching the whole issue the wrong way.
A little under two years ago, I purchased my first menstrual cup after months of hesitation. Bleached tampons drag and scratch , not to mention filling up trash heaps, and pads are too filthy even to mention.
Instead of hurting me, this silicon space-age cup wasthe answer to my prayers.
I regularly spread the lady-cup gospel to the women in my life. More often than not, though, it seems as if they dont hear the advantages because theyre too busy dry heaving.
Menstrual beakers are really not gross. I promise. Even the most squeamish among you can definitely figure this out.
When folded in half, the soft, flexible cup slides right up where a tampon would normally run. Sitting low, the beaker suction holds it in place while it softly fills with menstrual blood over the course of the next 11 hours.
That’s not six , not eight, but 11 full hours without having to think about your period.
Additionally, when its time to change, the process is so simple even a horror movie heroine could do it. You simply violate the suction with a thumb, pull the cup out by its tab and empty the contents into the toilet.
Not persuaded yet? Just wait. I got in touch with Cathy Chapman, marketing and social media administrator for Lunette menstrual beakers.
In her no-frills style, Chapman shared candid responses to the questions both my friends and coworkers were too grossed out to ask.
How do I determine which sizing of cup I require? Ive never measured the inside of my vagina before and the idea kind of freaks me out.
Relax, theres no measuring involved. You dont have to call ex-hookups to ask, either.
Lunettes two beakers are sized based on flow , not actual vaginal thicknes. Both hold a reasonable sum of blood, one is just slightly larger.
We like to say if you generally experience a heavier flowing go with the sizing two, and if you have a illuminate to moderate flowing go with the sizing one, Chapman explains.
Easy. Even the most squeamish female knows how heavy their Aunt Flo is.
What will happen if I pick a sizing thats too small? Will it explosion and drench everyone with my blood, Carrie-style?
Short answer: no. At worst, youd find yourself leaking a bit.
Thats nothing your traumatized secondary school ego couldnt handle, especially since you dont even have to go to gym class anymore.
“You would find yourself emptying it more often, Chapman says. “Generally, though, even with the sizing onemenstrual cup its still holding more than what two regular tampons absorb.”
Its important to note, however, that Chapman recommends pairing your cup with a pantyliner the first period “youre using” it. Shelaughingly explains there is a bit of a learning curve.”
“It took me a cycle to get the hang of it and now I can whip in a cup in, like, 20 seconds, she adds.
Not a phrase you hear every day.
Will I lose it in my vagina and never be able to have children?
Again , nope.
“Literally, you wont ever lose your cup, ” Chapman asserts. “Its not going to venture through your womb or out your colon. No , not gonna happen.”
Thank goodness, because none of us can stomach telling the doctor how a menstrual cup ended up in our asses.
Is putting in a menstrual cup similar to birthing a child, pain-wise? What can I expect?
After youve opened the package, youll want to clean the cup with unscented soap. Then, fold the cup it may take a few tries to find the best fit and ease it into the vaginal canal the same way you might with a tampon applicator.
Most importantly, this entire process should be devoid of vexing pains. You shouldnt feel the cup until its ready to come out.
“It shouldnt hurt, Chapman chuckles. “If it hurts, youre definitely doing it wrong.
Indeed, the cup shouldnt be sitting anywhere close to your cervix.
“I believe one of the biggest delusions[ with] the menstrual cup[ is] you have to shove it up there to your brain. But, actually, you wear the cup lower in the vagina above the pubic bone, Chapman explains.
Give the handle a light tug to test the seal, and it should stay in place.
Im super extra weird about blood and dont want to faint on the toilet trying to change this thing. How much gore should I prepare myself for?
If you can handle a tampon, a cup should be OK.
“Definitely dont merely fling your cup out, pull it and whack it around, ” Chapman says. “If you violate the seal and then gently pull down, itll stay in place. Just scene it as a wine glass, and you dont want to spill the wine.
Or, you know, maybe drink wine while you try and pull the cup out the first time. It might help.
Will I reek like period? I don’t want dogs trying to sniff me.
You can be sure of one thing: you wont reek the blood. According to Chapman, it merely starts to have an odor when exposed to air. Nestled safely inside of you, the cup is smell-free.
If you do catch a whiff of something, it might be your vaginas natural eau de parfum.
“Generally when people experience reek, thats usually a result of their own vaginal odor and sweat, ” Chapman explains. “Thats like a normal scent.”
Oh, well, this is awkward.
Can I have sex, or will it scare my date away eternally? I merely get one shot at this and I can’t blow it.
You can have some sexuality use a menstrual cup, merely not the penetrative kind.
“You can definitely enjoys oral sex with a menstrual cup, so thats a plus, ” Chapman says.
Short of actual pentration, she stresses the ease of life without a dirty old tampon string to drag around. Activities like wearing a bikini to the beach and loot shorts at the gym abruptly get so much easier.
An easy period , no strings attached. Throw those tampons away and never look back.