30 Dirty Jokes About Love And Marriage That Are Kind Of Offensive( But Also Hilarious)

1. Whats the difference between a wife and a job?

After 10 years, a job still sucks.

2. What do spouses and hurricanes have in common?

On arrival, they’re wet and wild. When they leave, they take the house and car with them.

3. Whats the secret to a happy marriage?

Find a woman who can cook and clean. A female whos an animal in bed. A female with lots of money. Make sure these three women never meet.

4. Whats the difference between a prostitute and a wife?

A wife accepts credit cards.

5. Whats the best route to love thy neighbour?

When her husbands away on business.

6. How is a wife like bacon?

They both look, smell, and taste amazing. Theyalso both slowly kill you.

7. Whats discrepancies between incomplete and finished?

A man without a wife feels incomplete. Oncemarried, he’s finished.

8Dude: My wife left me for my best friend.

Dude’s buddy: I thought was your best friend.

Dude: Now is, obviously.

9. Whats discrepancies between men and women?

Women can fake orgasms, but humen can faketheirentire marriage.

10. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry her.

11. Wife: I love you.

Husband: Is that you or the wine talking?

Wife: Its me. Talking to the wine.

12. How is a wife like a freezer?

It takes hours of defrosting to get either reallywet.

13. Whats discrepancies between love and marriage?

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

14. Ive spent fiveyearssearchingfor my husband’s killer.

Still cant find anyone to do it.

15. Husband: Just once I wish you’d admit I’m right!

Wife: Merely once, I wish you’d admit you’re wrong!

Husband:” Fine! I’m wrong !”

Wife:” Finally, something youre right about !”

16. How are weddings like fat people?

Most of them don’t work out.

17. Whats discrepancies between love and marriage?

Love is one long sweet dreaming. Marriage is more of a nightmare.

18. What does every heterosexual manrealizetenyears into marriage?

Whygay also means happy.

19. Which one of your kidswill never grow up and move out of the house?

Your husband.

20. Whats the difference between a bride-to-be and groom-to-be?

A bride-to-bewantsa shower. A groom-to-bewants to getas dirty as is practicable before hisBig Day.

23. How does a human really satisfy his wife in bed?

By sleeping on the sofa.

24. Why didnt the man speak to his wife for years on end?

She told him never to interrupt.

25. Single guys often dream about having asmart, beautiful, caring wife.

So do most married men.

26. Wife[ in front ofthemirror ]: I feelugly. Dedicate me a compliment to construct me feel better.

Husband: Your vision is absolutely perfect.

27. Husband[ in front of the mirror ]: Will you still love me when Im old, fat, and bald?

Wife: I do.

28. Spouse:” I wanna know when you orgasm next .”

Wife: Id rather not interrupt you at work.

29. Wife: Can I spend $20,000 onbreast implants?

Husband: Why dont you only rub toilet paper all over your chest?

Wife:” I don’t get it.

Husband: Worked on your ass, didn’t it?

30. Some peoplesaytheirwedding was the best day of their lives.

I’m guessingthey’ve never had twocandy bars fallout ofthe vending machine simultaneously.

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